Blog Entries

Hello everybody! I have finally brought this back online! Old posts were started but never completed. I will be working on getting those posts brought online. At the same time, I will be creating new posts, so things will be a bit out of order. You will have to scroll down to see old posts that did not get published until recently. I will update this Sticky Post as things change.

I was accustomed to the distance from Ayala Mall to the airport. I was not staying near Ayala Mall this time! It turns out where I was staying was much further away! I offered an excessive tip if the taxi driver got me there in a hurry. This resulted in absolutely no hurrying whatsoever. At least he didn't slow down.

At the airport, I jumped out, grabbed my stuff, threw money at him and ran! I had to slow down for security twice, because that's how they roll in the Philippines! I went to my gate, saw the airplane, and realized I just might be able to get on. The lady there tried to call, but something was wrong, so she rushed 3 gates down and asked someone there to call on the radio. The radio wasn't working, so someone else came back to that gate, and attempted to call. Meanwhile, the door closed. Yes, my luck had run out.

Meanwhile, Ayengg, a T'boli lady who works at the hotel where I would be staying, was going to General Santos City to get me so I would not get lost. I contacted her and told her of my plight. She then told me of her plight. She did not have enough money to get back home! Now I had 2 challenges! Find the next available flight and get money to her so she can go home. I had no way to transfer money online, either!

I got a flight reserved that was taking off in about 2 hours. That gave me an hour and change to go back into town somewhere, wire her some travel money, then get back to the airport.

Now this is where I talk about how 5 minutes affected an entire day. I was going to be in T'boli around 3 or so. There were no more flights available to General Santos that day. There was a flight to Davao, which was much further away from T'boli, but was still on the same island. I booked that flight, but would not have confirmation for an hour or two through email. I decided that was good enough. I caught a taxi to the nearby money transfer company. Meanwhile, the branch where Ayengg was picking up the money was threatening to close. I had to fill out a form to get an account before I could transfer money. While this was going on, a taxi was waiting for me, meter ticking away the time.

Yup! Here I was, a 5 minute delay causing everything to go to crap. I work well under this kind of pressure! How well? About half as well as usual! Money got transferred just in time, so Ayengg was going to make it home, thankfully. I got back to my taxi and went back to the airport. I went in at the wrong gate with no ticket since I had no confirmation email yet. Someone directed me to the correct gate. I walked out into the blazing sun, hot and sweaty, and still at a fast pace because I had no idea "What Next."

Fortunately, everything from this point on went well. Mostly.

I got my boarding pass, got to the gate, and waited for a while. I looked up and realized it was almost time for the flight to take off, so I sort of panicked a little bit. My fears were alleviated when they called on the speaker that the flight was delayed. If only Cebu Pacific had been delayed, just 5 minutes.

I arrived in Davao to this welcoming site! It sure calmed my artificially induced stress I was having earlier. I asked around and found out that I would be getting to T'boli a bit late. I would probably miss the Miss T'boli pageant. Bummer! After two different busses and a van ride, I made it to T'boli! The Ses'long festival was in full swing, and LOUD! I kept telling the driver to stop and let me out because I wanted to walk the last few blocks and soak up all the energy, but he wouldn't stop until he got to the hotel.


I got out, paid my portion of the ride, then went inside, where Ayengg was waiting for me. She had the kitchen cook me dinner before they closed! I hadn't eaten since breakfast 12 hours earlier, so I scarfed! It was this big piece of chicken, rice, vegetables, and a very tasty gravy. I realized I was not up to heading out, so I checked in to my room and stood on the 3rd floor balcony, just listening to the sounds! Listen to the video below. Loud music coming from the streets mingled in an unkind way with loud music coming from the bar, yet it was a happy sound that resulted. I could feel the energy coming from the people, and tears welled up as I exclaimed quietly to myself about 40 times, "I'm here!" The energy was wonderful!


Now, before I came all the way out here, I made contact through Facebook with someone through the Ses'long Facebook page. He gave me ideas on when to be here. I eventually made contact with several different people. One of these people saw me on the balcony, sent a photo of me up there, and said, "I see you!" I went down to meet her, but by the time we finisehd talking, I met about 6 or 8 other family members. While this was going on, a van stopped, and a team from the festival stepped out. I recognized the first person I contacted and talked to him for a few minutes.

In short, I was being bombarded by the friendliness of the people here! It was positively exhilarating!

One evening in late April, I was relaxing on the steps at Ayala Terraces, in Cebu City, Philippines, drinking my mocha frap as I watched people go by. I realized I was feeling awkward and all alone as people, locals and tourists, wandered by, in their own world. But that is normal for me. I have always felt awkward around people, and this day I saw that I was hoping somebody would stop and talk to me, believing it would abate my awkwardness. I looked at this feeling calling out from my heart and realized I was looking outside myself for somebody to fill an empty spot in me. This was the first moment that I saw what was going on within my heart and mind. This was when I first began to realize the results of what I now call the Great Clarification.

About a month or so earlier, I was planning my trip to the Philippines. I had planned to take time in Cebu to visit my then wife’s family. A trip to Malapascua Island, a long walk along the path of the Bataan Death March, a visit to Baler in Aurora, and Lake Taal were going to be the plan.

I found myself seeking guidance online from Filipinos, some who offered to guide me on a few of my journeys. There was one girl, in particular, that was more than helpful. We seemed to “click”, so I called on her to see if she was able and willing to show me around. She was in Davao, which was not one of my planned stops. When I was contemplating going to Davao, I had several different people randomly suggest I go to Davao. I decided I would listen to those coincidences. She let me know she was only available one day as her work schedule was tight, during the time I would be available. I was not satisfied with that; just didn’t feel right in my gut, so we talked more. She was able to take 3 days off at an earlier time, so I cancelled my trip to Malapascua Island and decided to go to Samal Island so we could spend time together, and she could show me around.

While planning out time with Melissa, I was asked a question. “What are your expectations?” I realized, as the answer came without hesitation, “None”, that previous trips had included many expectations regarding women, relationships and what I would experience in my travels. Hindsight showed me the freedom and peace in this.

When I arrived in Davao, Melissa was to meet me at the airport and we were to begin our journeying from there. She didn’t show up. I found myself at peace. I wasn’t upset, angry, lost or feeling rejected. A moment of, “She changed her mind and is ignoring me” came in, yet I was unsure about this thought as I continued to wait, in case she was running late.

More than an hour passed and I headed to the mall that was a short taxi ride from the airport. A childish, free feeling of, “I am unsupervised!” came up and I realized my possibilities were endless! The whole journey opened up to me and I could do whatever I chose to do! I was still going to Samal Island, but first, the mall!

About am hour into the mall experience, I found a place, Jollibee’s, and sat down to eat. What was interesting is that someone came to me in line before I got to the cashier and took my order on a piece of paper. A side note for people who like American burgers--you might want to order something else off the menu when you're here. As I was masticating an adequate bite of my burger, my phone dinged; a new message. It was Melissa. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you wait. But I did it.” I was taken aback at how she laid it on the line. No excuses, no over apologizing. A thought so strong it literally escaped my lips “I like this girl.” In that moment, another world opened up to me. She had character and was honest. I knew if we continued and she did come to meet me, I was in good hands. She then thanked me for not being angry at which I answered, “We are on vacation! No time for that!”

So here I was, basically alone in a mall full of people, none that I knew. I was uncomfortable, finding myself withdrawing some, when she came walking up to me outside the restaurant. Awkward doesn’t quite complete how I felt. We were in a hallway full of others and were meeting for the first time. I barreled through the awkward, allowing it to exist and be what it was. We ordered her some food, and headed to Starbuck’s for our choice of coffee product to go with her food.

Here we were, in this moment, two people having just met, her eating her food, and I sucking on my mocha frap. Awkwardness, I now realize as I write this, was with me the whole time, as a best friend would be. Not stopping me from anything, showing me how beautiful life can be in a place that is so comfortable, even awkward is appreciated.

Sitting across from Melissa, our eyes locked for a moment longer than either of us are used to, in her discomfort, or perhaps awkwardness, she looked away, smiling and giggling softly. In that instant, I realized that being awkward with this woman was safe. I was instantly comfortable with my awkwardness for the first time I can remember. Something inside me popped and deflated in that moment. Any pressure I felt from my awkwardness dissipated and was gone. I was free of feeling I shouldn’t be awkward; I was comfortable in my awkwardness now, and perfectly okay with it!

After our enjoyment of the coffee, Melissa and I wandered around looking for a particular coffee table I was interested in purchasing. Not finding one, we decided to head to Samal Island and enjoy the beaches. We found a spot a few miles from port that offered rooms at a decent rate, so we took advantage of it. The sight in the middle of this resort was beautiful. A low wall with an opening in the middle had steps in a crescent shape leading into the ocean water. Melissa and I were intrigued by the beauty of it and partook of swimming shortly before sunset. In my mind, any person who has ever swam knows how to float on their back, so when Melissa showed her inability to do so, I took a moment and helped her learn how. There she was, beautifully as awkward as much as I was, listening to my instruction as I gently held her up. In a moment of knowing, I slowly let go of her, and she was floating on her own. Her reaction to this was one of happiness, and at that moment, our connection continued to grow, and the visiting was wonderful. I felt so free in talking about what seemed to be troubles, with her. Had I been discussing these stressful situations with anyone else, it would have seemed like I was complaining or seeking attention. This felt nothing like that. Each thing faded as I discussed it with her, and she seemed to have relief from discussing her troubles with me. This was so foreign to me, and refreshing. Looking back on it, gratefulness fills my being.

The next day, we moved to another resort that had a salt water pool. We did a lot of the same stuff, which was a lot of nothing. During our “doing nothing” (since that is what this trip was about) we checked out some small sideways walking crabs that were doing what sideways walking crabs do best.

Seeing a shell among the rocks in the water, I picked it up and chucked it out into the ocean, attempting to skip it, lodging a piece of it in my finger. As I gently worked to pull it out, blood oozed out, but it didn't bother me much.

Later, in the salt water pool, Melissa said, "Let's float together." I was not expecting her to reach out and hold my hand as I readied myself to float on my back beside her There I was, all awkward still, holding hands and okay with being awkward. The entire universe stopped existing for a short while in this floating, holding hands space, and I was at peace. I am not sure if I have ever experienced that level of peace. I know if I had, it would have been memorable. This was beyond words, beyond life and beyond all else that was not peace itself. This was the moment that the Great Clarification was complete.

This “Great Clarification” was a beginning point for me. I didn’t realize what had happened until a few weeks had passed and I began noticing how I was seeing things, thinking and reacting differently than I had before at any point in my life. I had opened myself up to guidance, followed it and I now continue experiencing new things with a new perspective that continues to surprise me.

I never made it to Malapascua Island. I got sick from something I ate in Cebu, so I was too sick to see Baler or the Taal volcano. I missed the Bataan Death March, although I did visit a museum and the shrine at the end. But I got exactly what I needed by following guidance.